You cried today
Tears of gratitude…of thankfulness…
Tears that broke because you felt seen…
We saw your pain…your grief… your fear… and your hard.
In our advocacy of your little’s life threatening condition you felt loves warm embrace.
You whispered to me, “I wish I had your faith…but I can’t.
Why would a loving God do this to me and to mine?”
All I want to whisper is, “Honey you’re not alone in wondering where is a loving God in the midst of heartache and fear.”
Our soul tells us a full life is a life without pain.
So we beg and reproach heaven with the inner conflict of our soul.
We believe the lie that this full life is here on planet earth.
That these 70 plus years are our full years.
The only ones that truly exist.
God is closer to the one free from pain and heartache.
I hear Mary that woman from bygone days, express your cry.
Her brother Lazarus lay sick…hope and life departing with each breath that he took.
Like us, she cries out to the divine.
“Lord the one you love is sick.”
You can hear her plea…
There’s still time, there’s still life, there’s still a chance that this pain might end in some other way than in death.
“Please give me a full life!”
“Heal my brother!”
You my dear friend, you weep your tears as you watch over your little.
Hoping that this invisible God will come close.
Removing your bundle of pain and giving you life while there is still time.
Because that’s where God is found isn’t it?
In a life without pain!
For four long days Mary hears nothing.
For four days Jesus knows and yet he does nothing, says nothing, whispers nothing.
His distance is painful and the bitter rises up to engulf her soul.
Like you, like me, she wonders if she is visible, if her life is known, if this God in heaven can hear her cries. Is she enough…
Has she been good enough…
Faithful enough to capture heaven’s attention?
If God is good he will hear her, won’t he?
Her brother dies.
She weeps her tears, her heart broken, her world turned upside down.
Her hope now bitter.
Where was Jesus…heaven’s beautiful representative?
Why did he not come close?
Why was he not present?
Her brother dead and in the tomb!
When Jesus finally arrives it feels like its too little… too late…
Like Mary we simply want to scream, “Where were you when I needed you most?”
“You could have made my life full.”
Our soul can’t take it in that this loving God would show up late, when it longer mattered, when hope had gone.
Because a full life is a life without pain.
He stands beside Mary weeping.
His tears not for Mary or her loss.
But for Lazarus that dead brother.
Weeping that he has to bring this brother back to life.
To bring him back, from that life, where life is full and without pain.
He doesn’t want to do it.
To be unkind and bring this brother back.
To make him live this broken, hard life.
He wants him to stay in that other place where life is full.
Our souls expectation tells us that we know this spiritual reality exists.
That what Jesus says is true.
A full life is a life without pain.
That there is a a life free from pain and suffering.
We were not created for death.
The hard of this life was never heaven’s intent.
But we have forgotten in our yearning, our hard and our pain to listen to our soul speaking.
Could it be that in our desire for God to come close to our pain and our hard that our soul is looking for and longing for that place eternal, that place we know exists.
We aim our reproach at God. If we didn’t believe… why would we do that?
We insist on our eternal hope here and now.
We shut out that voice and narrow in, choosing to live with reproach instead of hope.
Jesus weeps…knowing for our soul’s sake he must bring Lazarus back to life.
To prove that He has power over death.
That there is a life experience after this experience.
He comes close to Lazarus, that stinking corpse.
With every step Lazarus begins to experience life again on this tiny planet.
Jesus says, “I’m the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, they will live.”
The dead man’s corpse has risen from the dead and is alive.
That’s who he is, this amazing Jesus. The giver of life.
Mary got her full life…
For a while…until death once again came to claim that beloved’s soul.
This is still life’s journey.
Progression towards that door where we simply go from one life experience to another life experience.
The life experience that our soul knows exists, hopes and longs for.
A full life is a life lived without pain.
My darling girl your little may suffer and struggle and your heart and mine will be broken by that pain.
We will pray our prayers and hope for healing this side of the grave.
But here’s my whisper, here’s my plea…
Listen to your soul, listen to its voice.
Take hope from its message.
That whoever comes close to Jesus can experience a full life forever and ever and ever.